Family Politics

Don’t you just love it when after an apt reunion dinner, your mother starts bickering with your father (who is suspiciously silent throughout) about the shitty food and the various one-liners your uncle blurted out in his drunken stupor and the reluctance to pay for the bill of your aunt on the car back home? At least now I am able to say, “Aah, those were the times” in my friggin’ cubicle doing some white-collar job eating out of a polystyrene packet. Or maybe not since I am too intelligent for that.

Hmm…

Pimples (or the lack thereof), Bodily Hair (or some may say) and now this…

First up it seems exceedingly inapropriate to pen the proverbial dealing-with-teen-sexuality post right after the morbid one before, but hell, teenage angst seems just as much grim as the next murder or rape case.

Hormones. Today, boys and girls, we’ll be discussing hormones.

Which pretty much is the god-forsaken horned devil (pun intended) constantly CONSTANTLY bugging me to objectify every single decent-looking female in the boarding school. Okay, only one. But still, WHY ME? WHY NOW? Alpha Males do not fall vulnerable to the slightest charms of the shes. DIE.

There seems to be a spunky JC chick around, I must say quite attractive for an Asian actually. Mostly likely because of her resemblance to a hot British model. Hmmm… EXAMPLE:

The goddess I mentioned

Anybody knows who I’m talking about? Recalls her name? At least the Christian one? If so tell me so I can Google her. A stalker needs his information.

And that’s just the surface of it. She is perpetually around a not-so-hot male, which is what makes this forbidden fruit all the more sultry and luscious and addictive and tempting. From the series of crushes last year, I must say I think someone high up is toying with my emotions and hinting to me to get a girl? Not that it is on my mind now, or ever. Just seems hilarious for me to join the ranks of …. you know which lovelorn poseur I’m talking about.

Bye-bye Alpha Male image. And hi pussy-whipped Theron.

He was cremated this morning, she said.

I don’t really know what i should make out of the news. A relative have passed away from cancer. Well, there’s a thought.

On one hand he was sick. Holding out for close to three long months already. Met him during the new year. Shook his quivering hand, watching on as he squints his eyes trying to take a good look at his grandson, listening to his voice above the morbid beats of his heart. I wished him “Happy New Year” and “Healthy body and spirit.”

That was the last time i saw him, the one time in maybe six, seven months. Probably for the best. Him to stop suffering and the people around to stop worrying. Just wishing for him to find sanctuary in the arms of maybe God, if He exists, because I need all the help I can get right now.

On the other side of the palm, she have cried and cried. Endured sleepless nights. It’s kinda hard to bear listening to the electronic voice of your mother struggling to deaden the sobbing behind the phone. Surely this is a hard time for her. She bought him pills and vitamins and wheatgrass since maybe last year. The care for her father have just be one long protracted nightmare. Now that the tsunamis have hit, other than to salvage, she can wait for the tides to recede. Flow back into the ocean calm.

But I am handling the news suprisingly well. I may be desensitised by mainstream media, or maybe my emotions have been strecthed thin by the sheer distance between the Gombak and Bukit Timah. I am feeling fine.

Although I’m feeling that bit guilty. Me to be able to concentrate in my studies when i should be breaking down in tears right now. Me to be able to laugh and smile at the kindly jokes of friends when she is tearing herself apart with the anguish and pain. Me to be able to type this when i should be digging my fingers into my eyes and trying to stem the flow of tears. It does seem wrong to have no feelings.

My only redemption is that I mourn for the next couple of weeks, wishing with all my might that he has found his Goddess and lay her soul to rest and relief. If You are out there, please dont let me down.

Rebooting

Restarting.

Reinventing.

Reassuring.

Reminding.

And of course, waiting for the essay results to come out.